Why We Stay Stuck: Habits, Patterns, and the Limiting Beliefs That Built Them

"Why do we do what we do, when we know what we know?"

I’ve spent years building routines around fear and comfort without even realizing it. Somewhere along the way, that fear felt safer than hope.

These habits and patterns didn’t show up randomly. They were built from beliefs I didn’t know I had.

Limiting beliefs like:

"I have to do everything perfect to be worthy of love. I have to be perfect."

"It’s better to fail on my own terms than succeed and still feel empty."

But what if those beliefs aren’t true, just practiced?

You might intellectually understand what you should do, but habits live beneath conscious thought. They're fueled by emotion and survival instinct. Your brain prefers the comfort of the known, even if painful, over the uncertainty of change.

Our brains and nervous system are still wired in a manner that places survival over all. When we were caveman trying to escape predators, these habits and patterns served their purpose to the tee. We stayed safe. But in our current day world, free of mostly harmful things, this stress response is still there.

The key to shifting these patterns isn’t force or shame, its mindfulness first. Simply noticing your habit with curiosity and without judgment creates a powerful space between the trigger and your automatic reaction.

Ask yourself:

"What is this habit protecting me from?"

"Which limiting belief is driving this pattern?"

This awareness helps you see the habit as learned, not permanent. From there, compassion and curiosity naturally open the door to change. Trying to force new habits or punish yourself for falling back only tightens the grip of the old patterns, because the brain interprets that as a threat and clings harder to what’s familiar.

Your old patterns were trying to keep you safe. But you don’t have to live inside them anymore. They are learned, not permanent. And like all things learned, they can be unlearned through attention and care.

Change happens when we befriend our habits. When we understand them. When we offer the nervous system a safer path forward, one gentle step at a time.

Choosing yourself is the bravest act of all. It’s saying, “I am choosing the gentle work, the curiosity, the time.”  And this is how self-worth builds. It’s stepping into your own care and growth, even when the path feels uncertain. Even when the path feels unsafe.

If this resonates and you want to dive deeper, I’m creating some new tools in the Resources section under “When You’re Feeling Stuck.” It's designed to help you mindfully work with the habits and limiting beliefs that keep you stuck.

Keep turning self-sabotage into growth. Keep choosing yourself 🧡